What Men Hate About Sex but Never Talk About

                                

Sex. Every man’s favorite pastime, right? Women seem to have a certain expectation that men are always ready all the time to get down to business, and sure, that’s a common belief for a reason, but there are a few things about sex that men really don’t like.



1. Performance anxiety
Bringing a woman to orgasm is a delightful undertaking. More often than not it requires a bit of planning, patience and empathy, maybe even a bit of elbow grease, and when it happens there’s no doubt it is a wonderful thing. But because it requires finesse it’s fairly acceptable when a woman says “it’s not going to happen tonight.” If a guy, however, shows any delay at all in getting ready and delivering the goods, suddenly you’re playing twenty questions starting with, “what’s wrong? Are you okay? Do you have this problem when you’re having ‘me-time’? Oh god it’s me, isn’t it? Are you seeing someone else? Fine, I’m going to my mother’s for the night!” Nothing shuts down the pants carnival faster.






2. Baby talk

Take any line you might say before, during, or after sex and say it in a baby voice. Did that do it for you? (No disrespect to the communities where this is acceptable play between consenting adults, by the way.) You may think you’re being cute, but what are you appealing to exactly? It’s cute once in a while, granted, but please keep it to a minimum. Especially if your man is a dad, this can get really weird really fast.

3. Undressing
In the movies you often see a shirt torn open, belts undone, shirts pulled over the head, then – cut to the bed. Why do they cut to the bed? Because getting properly undressed requires some very unsexy moves. If you’re just back from a party, is it sexy to peel off a slightly damp sock? Yuck. How about if you’re having fun while camping? Do you know how long it takes to get off one hiking boot? I’m not sure there’s a good solution for this except for excusing yourself for a moment, or, of course, the good ol’ pants-around-the-ankles routine. I’ll pass on that.

4. When we don’t know what you want
Individual desire and turn-ons are like snowflakes, no two are the same. Two people come into the boudoir each with their own set of expectations. When a woman shows up with no plan of attack and leaves the creativity up to the guy it can work…as long as she makes it clear that he’s driving and she’s his willing passenger. But at some point most guys start feeling selfish if you aren’t expressing some wants or directions of your own. Everyone has fantasies or things they like or want to try, so have the courage to share that. Sex can’t be done alone (for the purposes of this article anyway) so work together.

5. Guessing when the time is right
Guys have to live with the stigma that we’re hungry for sex all the time. That we move too quickly once the action starts. Women have an advantage in that she gets a pretty clear signal from her guy when he is ready to go, it is right there staring her in the face. But on a woman there’s nothing quite so obvious for a man to go by. Give us a sign! If you think grabbing a hand and guiding it is a bad idea, it’s not!

6. Stopping a speeding bullet
Okay, so, once the physical reaction has begun, the one that leads to nature’s perfect climax, it is difficult, maybe even impossible to stop it. I know, I know, foreplay is important, and romance blah blah blah, but once the trigger gets pulled, the gun is going to fire. At some point it is no longer within the man’s ability to distract himself from the momentum. So, if he shouts “GRENADE” you should probably duck or something. And if you’re disappointed that the movie ended quicker than you wanted, consider getting to know his rhythms better so you don’t use a finishing move too early in the dance.

Men love sex. But believe it or not men do have a few things they really don’t like about sex that they keep to themselves. Now you know some of them. What are you gonna do about it?



(Okay folks, I think I’m out of metaphors)